Marie Forleo Interview: 4 Steps to Overcome A Devastating Setback Or Failure
Had the pleasure recently, of being back on Marie Forleo’s MarieTV. This time we talked about overcoming failure and regaining confidence.
In this Q&A, Marie and I discuss the non-negotiable nature of learning to deal with setbacks and failures, and the kinds of conclusions that are appropriate and inappropriate to draw, as a result of them. I also drop some pointers on how to regain – and, equally important, retain – confidence as you move through wins and losses.
Watch the video below to learn a more effective way of understanding and dealing with setbacks and failures so that you can negotiate your losses with enough constancy, clarity and confidence, to see them turn into wins.
If you enjoyed the video and want to take action on overcoming the failure(s) that are currently weighing you down, you’ll definitely want to download Failure and Confidence: How to overcome one and retain – or regain! – the other. Just use the opt-in form below to subscribe to the mailing list and get your free copy. Filled with more juice, explanations and action steps, this pdf was designed to take you further into your process of making the most of your failure(s) or setback(s) and getting back in the game; so get started now!
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And don’t forget: if you liked any of the above, if it inspired or enlightened you, like it. Tweet it. Share it with your friends! Feels good to spread the Good. ;)
WANT MORE? Finally, if you missed my last MarieTV episode, How to Re-program Your Subconscious Mind to Get What You Want, you can click the image below to watch.
In this Q&A Marie and I discuss the fear that increased success inevitably means less freedom. More generally, in the segment I explain how and why we must dissipate the tension between our conscious goals and desires and the subconscious fears and beliefs that create resistance. Watch the video to see how to ‘reprogram’ your subconscious mind to help you move toward your conscious goals and intention with greater ease, effectiveness – and in your stride. Enjoy!
“Within the masculine psyche, there is a creature, an unwounded man, who believes in the good, who has no doubts about life, who is not only wise but who also is not afraid to die.” Clarissa Pinkola-Estes, Women Who Run With The Wolves
Just kidding. Or wait – am I? ….
No matter: within the masculine psyche, there is a creature, an unwounded man, who believes in the good, who has no doubts about life, who is not only wise but who also is not afraid to die.
I love these words.
Of course it is true that within the feminine psyche there too exists an unwounded creature …. – But today, I want to give the man a hand. (I won’t say my man because he’d li-ter-al-ly crawl right out of his skin. And while that would be amazing, I prefer him embodied.)
So: within the masculine psyche, there is a creature, an unwounded man, who believes in the good, who has no doubts about life, who is not only wise but who also is not afraid to die…
What do you think his name (this archetype, or aspect of the masculine) is? … The Hero? Maybe, The Godfather (in a very non-Don-Corleone sense)? … The Lover? Anyone?
Of course: the creature’s name matters little in comparison to the exquisite truth that he exists. Let’s hear it for the boy. (Hopefully you’ve been getting the references to the ’80s gem by Deniece Williams: Let’s Hear It For The Boy. Warning: crazy ’80s video.)
“The need to be normal is the predominant anxiety disorder in modern life.” ~ Thomas Moore
Disengage from the dominant tendency. Just disengage.
We could say, ‘there is no normal’; and for sure that is to a large extent true, and the great majority of what I want to say here. On the other hand, abstractions and generalizations exist, even if they never find expression in one actual, concrete, particular – like, in this case, an actual living person. We can tell they exist from the damage they do. So instead I’ll simply advocate that we stop trying to be ‘normal’, and stop pretending there is a normal we should try to be.
Forget that everyone actually dreads and despises the ‘normal’ person for actualizing something it is impossible for they themselves to be – at least comfortably, and authentically: because not one of us is an abstracted generalization. To the complete contrary, we are, each of us, a wholly unique, concrete particular. Yes, like a fingerprint, like a snowflake. To this extent being ‘normal’, and especially endeavoring to be, involves the progressive extirpation and extermination of our eccentricities, our uniquenesses; and with them, our authenticity.
And abandoning these hurts.
Because, the need to be your self is the predominant mental, emotional, psychological – dare I say spiritual, calling of your life. It will not cower, even when we do, to our need to be accepted by others. The self-loathing we often feel as we become increasingly ‘normal’ and ‘acceptable’, betrays the fact that the need to be authentic, to be ourselves, is still dearer to us than approval.
It is a strong force within us. Like a flower straining toward the sun, it will not stop. It may not win – but it will not stop.
But we could stop making it so hard for it, and with it ourselves, to win. The life-long mission (or battle, depending on how you step to it) to self-actualize is certain to be lost if we keep pretending we feel okay if we do okay by external standards. We have a chance of gaining both, external acceptance and inner peace, if we risk allowing life to show us who actually approves – not of ‘normal’, but of us.
I leave you with Dr. Clarissa Pinkola-Estes’ 3 secretos of the psychology of the healthy psyche. (They are paraphrased below, and I believe I got them from her lecture series, The Power of the Crone). They are the secrets to seeing yourself clearly through the eyes of something that is far more ancient than any culture you might consider yourself a part of. They are, as she says, “the secrets that every gifted soul has to come to terms with and accept – and remember unequivocally.”: (Note: If you have difficulty donning the appellation ‘gifted’, while that makes me a little sad, you can replace the word with ‘unique’; for what she is referring to as your gifts, are precisely those eccentricities, the idiosyncrasies, that make you the particular individual you are.)
1. Since you’re born gifted, you’ll never lead an ordinary life. That should not be pathologized. But rather, a great source of pride.
2. You’re made one of a kind with all your oddities because eccentricity is the first sign of giftedness. In fact your oddities are the arrows pointing directly to your gifts. So never be ashamed of how strange you are, you must treasure that strangeness.
3. Normalcy is the enemy of giftedness. Normalcy is the enemy of your gifts.