“Resentment is the poison we swallow hoping the other person will die.”
I’m sorry, because I know how compelling it is to think otherwise – but its true. Stop drinking the poison. It’s not working. Not in the way we want it to anyway. It is slowly eating away at us; slowly increasing the toxicity in our mind and body; slowly, but steadily, destroying us. At best it quietly and assuredly holds us back; keeps us stuck in the past; keeps our hands tied to beating the drum of our anger, resentment, and vicitimization. And, keeps us hooked in to the poison.
This is why forgiveness is so important. Whenever I ‘prescribe’ forgiveness to a client I always try to make clear: Yes, it is something nice you can do for the other (colossal understatement). Yes, it may be the ‘right’ thing to do. Yes, it is probably the ‘high road’ to take. But even when all these are true this is not why I recommend it, and not the most important reason I urge you to find it in yourself to do it. The reason you should – nay, must, find it in yourself to forgive whatever or whomever has wronged you, is for yourself. It is negatively effecting, if not ruining, your life. You do it to free yourself. You do it, first and foremost, for you.
That may be difficult to make sense of. We tend to think we are somehow honoring ourselves by keeping the grudge, the anger, and the middle finger pointed straight up. We may think that by forgiving and letting go we are letting the other person ‘off the hook’ for the wrong they have done. But take a good second look: how is your anger and resentment fairing at keeping them ‘on the hook’? Are you getting what you want? Their apology? Their punishment? Retribution? No. Even if they are getting ‘the shitty end’ of the stick don’t kid yourself into thinking that your grudge is responsible: Life hands them the stick, not you. We do not have this kind of control over the other person’s life; over what they get in life; over how they handle and deal with the situation, their actions, or their reactions to us. All each subsequent beating of the drum gets us is another helping of the poison we swallow hoping the other person will die – or at least get really, really violently ill.
Free yourself. Now. Don’t do it for them – do it for you.
Take a minute to list 5 grievances you are still holding on to. Make a commitment to yourself to let at least one go (start with the smallest if you need to) now. Right now. For you. Don’t do it later, do it now. So that now, right now, you may be a little less toxic, a little lighter in your step, a little freer to be. And watch as the result is not ‘a little’ but a helluva lot.
Keep going. Do at least one a week, or one a month – depending on how quickly you’d like to be free. Free from ingesting the poison; free from the toxicity it creates in your body and life; and, most of all, free to exist, to make choices, to create, to love, to live – in freedom from this moment, this past, this dark cloud casting its shadow. Our landscape can exist without it. And the sooner we release ourselves from resentment-ties that bind, the sooner we’ll find ourselves there.
Need help? Contact me to book a session. You can do this. And it will make a world of difference to your life.